Jessica Ferguson

Author, Writing Coach, Speaker

MEET JAN RIDER NEWMAN

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If there’s one thing I have trouble with in my writing, it’s setting. I have to admit, while reading I often skip lovely, long passages, jump right to the dialogue. Now that I’m beginning to get a little attention from small presses, I’ve devoted more time to studying how writer’s achieve a sense of place. My education comes late. My writer friend and SLR partner Jan Rider Newman has a fine eye for setting and her short stories prove it. Read what Jan has to share about Fitzgerald’s setting in The Great Gatsby.

Setting: The Character We Overlook
by Jan Rider Newman
 
The Great Gatsby, first published in 1925, has gained renewed attention lately because of the latest movie remake. F. Scott Fitzgerald fictionalized the North Shore of Long Island into West Egg and East Egg. Tom and Daisy Buchanan live in more fashionable East Egg. Gatsby and Nick Carraway, the narrator, live in West Egg.

Setting and sense of place is so important to a story it can be one of the characters. Consider Nick Carraway’s descriptions of West and East Egg:
I . . . rented a house . . . on that slender riotous island which extends itself due east of New York — and where there are . . . two unusual formations of land . . . [A] pair of enormous eggs, identical in contour and separated only by a courtesy bay, jut out into the most domesticated body of salt water in the Western hemisphere, the great wet barnyard of Long Island Sound. . . .

I lived at West Egg, the — well, the less fashionable of the two, though this is a most superficial tag to express the bizarre and not a little sinister contrast between them. My house was at the very tip of the egg, only fifty yards from the Sound, and squeezed between two huge places that rented for twelve or fifteen thousand a season. The one on my right was a colossal affair by any standard — it was . . . Gatsby’s mansion. . . . My own house was an eyesore, but it was a small eyesore, and it had been overlooked, so I had a view of the water, a partial view of my neighbor’s lawn, and the consoling proximity of millionaires — all for eighty dollars a month. 

Across the courtesy bay the white palaces of fashionable East Egg glittered along the water . . .
Even if you couldn’t afford one of the “palaces” or a twelve or fifteen thousand dollar “place,” wouldn’t you really enjoy living in Nick’s little house?

The home of Tom’s mistress, Myrtle Wilson, provides jolting contrast:

About half way between West Egg and New York the motor road hastily joins the railroad and runs beside it for a quarter of a mile, so as to shrink away from a certain desolate area of land. This is a valley of ashes — a fantastic farm where ashes grow like wheat into ridges and hills and grotesque gardens; where ashes take the forms of houses and chimneys and rising smoke . . .

Could anything else offer more contrast or give a better idea of distinctions between and within classes than the descriptions of where the characters live? Tom and Daisy inhabit the ultimate circle—old-money fashionable. Gatsby is fabulously but newly rich, unfashionable in the Buchanan stratosphere. Though not especially rich, Nick is old-money fashionable and moves within both circles. Myrtle, in that village of ashes, lives above a garage, is poor and desperate.

Where is your story set? What does it say about your characters and their society, their passions and ambitions? If possible, go to your setting or one like it. What do you see? Don’t judge. Just look. See the people, the buildings, the sidewalks, streets/roads, animals, trees, and plants. What does the setting say to you? After you figure that out, ask what the setting says about your story. How can you condense the relevance of your setting the way Fitzgerald did, so it practically tells the story for you?

Good luck!
Jan Rider Newman has published short stories, nonfiction, poetry, and book reviews in competitions and anthologies, print and online literary journals. Her published short stories are collected in A Long Night’s Sing and other stories. She publishes and co-edits Swamp Lily Review, an online literary journal, and is webmaster for the Bayou Writers’ Group. Jan’s current WIP, a novel about the 1755 Acadian exile from Nova Scotia, is close to her heart because many of her ancestors fell victim to it. 
 
Her family, including two granddaughters, makes her world go around. They plus writing, research, genealogy, and photography keep her busy. 
A Long Night’s Sing and other stories is available for Kindle and POD. 
 
Jan blogs at Beyond Acadia:  Reading, Writing & Living Well, and her website is HERE.
 

CONTEST CRITIQUE: Read it and Learn!

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Earlier this year I entered the first 50 pages of a romantic suspense in a contest. I didn’t win or place, but I was given a critique by others who write and read mysteries. I got that critique back over the weekend and thought I’d share it with you. Before I received the following critique, I tweaked, changed the title, did a little revision and submitted the first chapter and a synopsis to Love Inspired Suspense. You can read their rejection at the end of this post.
 
Hopefully, you can learn something from the judges comments as well as the rejection. Mainly, how interesting it is that several people can read the same thing and come away with vastly different opinions.
 
For those of you who have never entered your manuscripts in contests, this is pretty much what you receive. Sometimes less. Read it and weep, or get your first chapter ready for a contest. One way or another, they can lead you to publication.
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Please note that, even among publishing professionals, preferences in style and content are subjective. These notes are only suggestions and reflect the opinions of the judges. We hope you’ll find them helpful.
 
Title: Death Makes it Right
Author: Jessica Ferguson
 
 Because the judges were divided, a third judge was asked to look at the manuscript.
 
Strong Beginning:
 The first two judges were divided on the opening.
 The first said: “This feels so rushed that I feel like it’s a synopsis of a longer novel.  The first section, we’re introduced to P.K., she threatens Sheridan, yells at a reporter, beats the crap out of his son, and finds out Sheridan’s been murdered.  This is five or six chapter’s worth, but it feels jammed into too tight a section.  Give me more detail, setting, everything.”
 The second said:  Immediately hooked with sensory and character details. Action begins immediately.
 The third said: This is an interesting setup, lots going on. It does seem a little rushed but is, overall, effective. It’s not clear why both P.K. and Randolph are here, especially in light of the receptionist’s immediate assumption that she’s a trucker. I think we need a little more information so we can understand why they are both in the same place at the same time. It seems intentional, but what does this have to do with her being a trucker? Watch POV. For example, when PK pulls her hair back in the opening scene, there are a few sentences about her flawless complexion and haunted appearance. We’ve been in PK’s head until now, and this takes the reader out of the story, since she can’t see herself (and even if she could, it’s unlikely she would think of herself that way).
 
Character:
 Judge 1: There’s no time to get to know P.K., so I have no idea whether I should believe that she’s innocent or guilty.  The reader needs to get to know your protagonist, have ideas about how she would react.
 Judge 2: Excellent job of presenting the characters: ” “His dark, penetrating eyes never failed to disconcert her. He had the air of a big, important man. He was quick, perceptive, and he was waiting for her to acknowledge him.” “His tick eyebrows were clipped and when he brushed a large hand across his face, she noticed his manicured nails.” “Her hair was a frizzed bob, giving her a wind-blown look, and her faded red blouse was belted loosely at the waist of her khaki pants. She wore too much make-up, too much jewelry and reeked of self-confidence.”
 Judge 3: Rudd and PK both seem like interesting characters. I was more drawn to Rudd than to PK. He seems well-intentioned and honorable, as well as likable. She has a bit of a chip on her shoulder. Maybe understandable since her dad was just murdered, so I’d give her the benefit of the doubt for a while longer. The reporter doesn’t seem very well fleshed out. The story would be stronger if she were depicted in more depth and complexity.
 
Setting:
 Judge 1: Where is this set? Why is it there? I get a sense of the hotel, but not the region, and as truck drivers, geography would be paramount for these characters.
 Judge 2: The sights and smells of New Orleans come to life. “P.K. Everett wrinkled her nose as the fishy smell assaulted her nostrils.” Great sentence. “The convoluted mixture of colognes and aftershaves mingled with the smell of crawfish.” The picture painted of his ransacked apartment was vivid.
 Judge 3: There hasn’t been much opportunity to experience the setting, other than the hotel. A few more strategically place, specific sensory details would help create a stronger sense of place. Also (not a criticism, just an observation), I associate New Orleans with good food, whereas a “fishy” smell connotes anything but. Was that intentional?
 
Dialogue:
 Judge 1: There was no difference between the way P.K. spoke and the way Lori spoke. Characters can best show their individuality through their dialogue, so take advantage of that and show their distinct personality.
Judge 2: The scene where Rudd barged in on P.J. and Lori was a good example of this authors command of dialogue.
 Judge 3: The dialogue was generally good. Could have been a bit crisper in places.
 
Plot:
Judge 1: I like the idea, but it was so rushed that I didn’t have time to appreciate any particular aspect.  I’m guessing you have some passing familiarity if not expertise with the trucking industry, so I would encourage you to incorporate more of that into the plot.  As it is, it’s fairly standard fare, and nothing about it really grabs my attention.
Judge 2: Started fast and continued to move. The scene where Rudd and PK embrace at the reporter’s apartment seemed contrived. Also, it was hard to imagine the protagonist allowing the reporter to follow her into her hotel room. Other than that the plot flowed well and worked.
Judge 3: An interesting premise. I’m interested to learn who killed PK’s dad and Randolph, interested in what will happen between Rudd and PK. (I can guess, but I’m still interested.)
 
Suspense/Tension:
Judge 1: Again, too rushed.  There’s no time for me to become apprehensive about something before you bull onto the next section.  Slow it down, let me wonder about things for a bit.
Judge 2: Building suspense and creating tension is one of this writer’s strengths.
Judge 3: Tension/suspense were handled well. In a few places, it might be heightened by slowing down a bit.
Conflicts:
 Judge 1: Give us more background early on about P.K. and why she’s so angry.  Her conflicts with others are coming across as petty and childish, primarily because we don’t have any backing.
Judge 2:  Plenty of conflict.
Judge 3: Plenty of conflict, which arises naturally from the situation. Telling us a little more about the situation would engage the reader more; we understand that she’s mad about her father’s murder, but it would help to know why she thinks Randolph is behind it. There’s plenty of information that can be legitimately withheld from the reader, but we need some of this background in order to understand what’s happening.
Pacing:
Judge 1: The rushed quality is absolutely burying the good aspects of this book.
Judge 2: For the most part the pace flows well. It bogs down a little after they leave the reporters house on their way to his apartment.
Judge 3: Generally good. A little rushed in the beginning, a little slow with reporter. I’m sure she’ll play an important role, but right now, it’s not clear what that is.
 
Voice/Writing style:
Judge 1: There’s definitely a passion in your writing about the topic.  I believe you genuinely are enthusiastic about the characters, and that shines through.  You have a streamlined writing style very similar to Elmore Leonard, and it’s excellent.  Work on pacing and plot, and your style will carry you far.
Judge 2: The voice was sharp and crisp. “His breath fanned her face.” “His eyelids were tortured by unshed tears.” “The oppressive humidity was like a blanket covering his face.” Sometimes things were overstated: “He acted dazed.” The reader can see that.
Judge 3: The voice is good, fresh but not intrusive.
 
Grammar & Mechanics:  THIS IS HUMILIATING! I KNOW HOW TO SPELL!
Judge 1: Generally fine. It should be “All right,” not “alright.” Also, watch your verb-noun agreement.
Judge 2: Some words are misused, but probably editing oversights: grown for groan; on for own Directional words (up, down, over, etc.), unneeded prepositions and words like “that” are overused. Also used adverbs when not needed: nervously looked,  A few missed punctuation marks (periods, commas) but overall, ok.
Judge 3: Generally good. Needs another pass for typos and tightening.
 
Additional Notes:
Judge 1: Rewrite this, and take your time with each section.  You have a strong voice and good writing style, but that’s being washed away with your rush to get to the next scene.
Judge 2: Could be a contender.
Judge 3: No additional notes.
 
And here is a rejection I got on the same manuscript, revised BEFORE I got the above critique, and retitled:
 
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Dear Jessica,
Thank you for participating in the Love Inspired Suspense Fast Track and submitting BETRAYED, but I don’t feel like this project is right for LIS. While I think the idea of setting this story in the trucking world is interesting, your heroine came off as unlikeable. Our readers want a heroine they can relate too, and P.K. is much too combative. I’m sorry I don’t have better news for you. I recommend reading some of our books to get a better feel for the Love Inspired tone. We appreciate your submission and wish you the best of luck in your writing.
All the best,
Emily Brown
Editorial Assistant
Love Inspired Suspense
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Writing Weaknesses: Description and Setting

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I’m trying to pinpoint my writing weaknesses and do something about them. Description and Setting need my attention.  Honestly, I don’t care what a character looks like and would rather there be no description so I can assign my own mental visual. If you tell me the hero is a blond or has red hair, you’ll set me on a path you don’t want me to travel since I much prefer dark brown or black hair on my heroes. Sorry, I have my preferences.  I’m sure you do too.  Of course, if it’s Robert Redford reddish blond, by all means, go for it–but be sure to mention he’s got the RR look about him.

My critique partners usually point out where they’d like to see some description. I wonder why I can’t spot those places myself.  Probably because I’m guilty of skipping that stuff in the books I read, though I do like it in movies. Like when Pelican Brief (the movie) opens, and the camera pans the waterways of Louisiana, the swamps, and brown pelicans fly across the sky.

Do you know any published authors whose setting and description are so sparse it’s jarring? I’d like to read them just to see what I think.

I’ve been reading through the journals my father-in-law kept. He didn’t right lengthy passages. He wrote things like:

Woke up and ate oatmeal. Read Chapter 14 in Jeremiah. Went to Sears to find a part for lawnmower. Walked with neighbor–two miles.  Went to church tonight to hear missionary from India speak.

I was surprised to learn I wanted more. Was the oatmeal lumpy or too milky? Did he nuke it or cook it on the stove? What did he learn from Jeremiah 14–Any insight? What was the missionary’s name? How was he dressed? How many people were there? Was the church full? What was learned?

My mother-in-law left behind her life story–condensed to about twelve single-spaced pages.  She jabbed the facts to paper like someone throwing darts at a board.

 “When the John Doe’s were going to the Ivory Coast in Africa, we got cans and a sealer and met at her house out by LeTourneau and canned all of her cake mixes, etc.”

That’s it. We don’t know John Doe’s wife’s name, what kind of cans, what kind of sealer or anything about the procedure. I think details would be interesting, don’t you?

Funny how reading through my in-laws’ memories have given me a new respect for writers who incorporate (and have mastered) description and setting. 

How do you approach description? Does it make your first draft or do you layer it in when you rewrite? Could your story take place anywhere or does your setting actually mean something? Is description second nature to you? I wish!

Teach me something about description and setting. I want to be a fan.