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Jessica Ferguson

Author, Writing Coach, Speaker

IWSG: What Would Make You Quit Writing?

July 6, 2021 By Jessica Ferguson 12 Comments

Today, Wednesday, is Insecure Writers Support Group day.

Our Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds! Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.

The awesome co-hosts for the July 7 posting of the IWSG are Pat Garcia, Victoria Marie Lees,and Louise – Fundy Blue!

Each month we have an optional question. This month it is: What would make you quit writing?

What would make me quit writing? Last month I would have said absolutely nothing. Discouragement hasn’t done it in forty plus years; and there has certainly been plenty of discouragement. With the popularity and acceptance of Indie publishing, rejection can’t crush me the way it once did.

If those two things can’t stop me, nothing can. At least, that’s what I thought. This week I know better.

I recently signed up for a webinar called The Pleasure of the Personal Essay, offered by Jane Freidman. Our instructor was Dinty W. Moore, one of my favorites. I have his excellent book, Crafting The Personal Essay.

Hearing Dinty speak about the essay stimulated my imagination, and encouraged me. I’ve always figured the essay is short and formal—not a relaxed observation with questions and answers, ponderings and research. I never realized an essay could be book-length. Have you ever heard of a book-length essay? The White Album by Joan Didion? Heavy by Roxane Gay? How did I miss the book-length essay? Is it something I’ve forgotten?

The seventy-five minutes of Dinty W. Moore’s voice was akin to pouring fuel on smoldering coals. My mind raced with all kinds of possibilities for writing essays about things that have touched me, scared me, confused me. Actions and observations that I’m still pondering from long ago and far away.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to see my 97 year old mother who has round the clock sitters. Mom was a spit-fire in her day. A country girl from Arkansas, bright red hair and freckles, she was the oldest of ten kids. Her dad was an ordained, self-proclaimed Baptist minister. And Grandpa was totally illiterate. He couldn’t read. He couldn’t write. Often we couldn’t even understand the word he was trying to say.

Mom always said he was too mean to learn, but later, she amended that to too lazy. I suspect today we’d label him with a learning disability.

But my auditory processing Grandpa learned the Bible by making his eight daughters read to him. And from listening to an odd assortment of preachers on the radio. (His two youngest children—sons—became preachers too, though to their credit, they were educated.)

Mom was the first to leave home. After a failed marriage to her best friend’s brother, she hopped a bus and headed to Texas where she became a nurse. And while there is a much interesting story between leaving Arkansas and meeting Dad, I’ll save it for a later date.

Each time I go home to Texas from Louisiana, I wonder what I’ll encounter. Will she sleep during our entire visit? Will she know me? Will she bring up embarrassing childhood events as if they happened to someone else? She loves to tell stories about switching my little brother’s legs; she can’t quite remember popping me when I stuck my face out and backtalked her.

For seven years, I was an only child. My little brother came along when I was a first grader. Today, our mom fuzzily recognizes us.

This recent visit, she called me by name then wept, covering her face with her manicured hands. Thankfully, her sitters spoil her. She always wanted beautiful nails—she has them now.

When she looked up at me, she asked: “You’re my daughter? I’m a mother?” I couldn’t help wonder why that would surprise her.

My brother warned that she’d done the same with him. Over and over again, the ritual played out. She would cry, look at us with tears streaming down her face.

“Mom, why are you sad about that?” Even as I said the words, I wondered if I really wanted to hear her answer.

“You don’t understand,” she said in a small voice that wasn’t hers. (Mom had never owned a small voice.) “I’m different from most people. I cry when I’m happy.”

Her logic was impressive. It was the small, pitiful voice that was so disconcerting.

I’m just as disturbed by the disconnect in her mind. How can one forget children of sixty and seventy years? The intimate things shared and learned together. The fights and disagreements? How can one forget much loved shopping trips?

Oh, how I dreaded those shopping trips, just as much as I loved the new clothes. Mom touched and examined every garment, every price tag, and then went back to the beginning and touched, examined them all again, wondering, visualizing, making her decision about the wisest investment. The quality. During my growing up years, she owned two starched nurse’s uniforms, bright white, not a stain anywhere, and two dresses for church. My closet was full.

How could she forget those unique bell bottoms she bought for me, or those black leather pants? I had matching shoes for my skirts and dresses. Pointed toes. T-straps. She was a shoe lover; and I was the recipient of her love for shoes. No matter the size, if they were on sale, they were mine. My toes scrunched into six and a half narrows and I stuffed cotton and Kleenex into the eights.

When I remember the life we shared, the laughter, the tears, the anger, the disagreements, the hostility, the sacrifice … I wonder where it is in her mind? What corner of her deteriorating brain protects those memories, because she is … was … a hoarder, of sorts. She has to be saving memories somewhere, doesn’t she?

She saved tiny chunks of Dial soap in bags—just in case. Not sandwich bags, but large plastic grocery bags filled full. Just in case we became a world without Dial.

Where are her memories? Maybe we aren’t in her mind anymore, but stuffed deep down in her heart. With her love for nursing. I always thought Mom loved nursing so much more than she loved us. But in hindsight …

The second day I saw my mother, she still knew my name, but when I told her I was her daughter, she laughed. An unrecognizable giggle, not the belly laugh I grew up with. My mother never giggled in her life—at least, not during my lifetime.

“Why are you laughing, Mom?” I asked.

“Because I’m so proud of you.”

Proud of me?

She doesn’t remember the hateful words, the times I disappointed her. She doesn’t recall her continuous sacrifice that couldn’t possibly have been fun. Sacrifice was something she did without thinking, for her family. Her second nature.

“I’m so proud of my children.”

Just like in the old days, through tears and laughter, we love each other.

For four days, we entertained each other with foreign dialogue that neither of us understood, and I came away knowing more about myself, my own life. Asking myself hard questions that may or may not have decent answers. I know one thing for certain: When asked what can make me quit writing, the answer will be … will always be …

I’ll write forever, until my children sit beside me and I look at them in dismay and ask: “You’re my children and … I’m a writer?”

 

Filed Under: IWSG Tagged With: Dinty W. Moore, discouragement, essay, family, I, illiterate, Inspiration, IWSG, Jane Friedman, love, memory loss, mothers & daughters, Questions, The Pleasure of the Personal Essay, writing

Must Do – Want To Do in 2013

January 1, 2013 By Jessica Ferguson Leave a Comment

Happy New Year! Today is the first day of 2013. I told a friend at church that my hair is still blowing because of how fast 2012 flew by.  

I accomplished a few things that have kept me motivated and feeling like a real writer: interviewed authors Christa Allan, Terri Blackstock, Robin Carroll for Southern Writers Magazine. Even had the cover story with my interview with thriller writer Steven James; wrote a Christmas short story as part of an anthology, wrote a novella, sold and signed a contract with The Wild Rose Press for the novella. And, most fun and lucrative of all—I spoke at the Bayou Writers’Conference.

I have to add that we moved to Oklahoma in March. That plays a large part in my accomplishments. I think getting out of my ordinary world, being plopped down in an area where I had no friends, forced me to write. I joined OKRWA, and I do have one Louisiana pal who lives in Norman and meets me at a library every other Tuesday for a day of writing. We encourage each other by listening to our pounding keys.

Those few achievements happened in quick succession and I wish I could have kept up the momentum, but I couldn’t—or didn’t. The holidays hit. My mother fell and broke her hip and is in rehab. Her mood has fluctuated tremendously, as has mine. One moment I think she might bounce back and at other times I wonder if she even wants to bounce back. My thoughts are continuously yanked from writing.

I don’t like the phrase New Year’s Resolutions so instead of making them, I think I’ll just have a Want To  Do List and a Must Do List.

I MUST finish the first revision of my novella. My editor pointed out a few places where the characters need more motivation, explanation, etc before she actually does line edits. I’ve completed it but need to do another pass or two, reading carefully. Editor wasn’t 100% happy with the title and I wasn’t either. Peace of Heart fit the story but it sounded more inspirational than romantic suspense. After brainstorming with my daughter and her reading friends, we’ve chosen The Last Daughter. I love it! The new title has been approved by the editor.

I MUST finish the paperwork for marketing for TWRP and get a handle on promotion. I’ve never been so overwhelmed in all my life. I was under the misconception that I knew all about promoting myself and my work. How difficult can it be? Well, believe me, I don’t have a clue. There’s a lot to learn and much to do.  I’ll be expected to blog with the Scrimshaw Doll authors. My turn comes up Wednesday. I’m a little nervous about ‘mandatory’ blogging even though it will be all about my story and my characters.

I’m sure there are other things I MUST do but let’s get on to the Wants—more fun.  And certainly easier to WANT something than actually DO it. Right?

I WANT to start my nonfiction book. I keep making notes but I can’t get a handle on how I want to do it. I should probably just start writing instead of having fun with all the research.

I WANT to continue writing for Southern Writers Magazine in 2013.

I WANT to attend two conferences:  the OWFI in late May(to meet Jane Friedman). Check out this interesting post. And the Killer Nashville in August if I have a new romantic mystery to market.

I WANT to finish editing my published book, The Groom Wore Blue Suede Shoes. I got discouraged because it seemed outdated to me, but other authors have backlists that were published waaaaay before Groom was, and they’re not updating their books. What do you think of putting a disclaimer in the front letting the reader know it was published by Silhouette Romance in 1996. Is that done?  And then I have to actually learn how to publish it. Sometimes my brain hurts!

I WANT to make another couple of passes through my novel, A Bad Guy Forever. I think there are still scenes that need fleshing out.  It doesn’t feel quite right yet. Then I want to submit it to a traditional publisher, if I can find one that doesn’t require an agent. I’m not sure I want another agent. And if I got one, would they submit to small presses and epubs? I can do that myself.  Publishing has become tricky. Sometimes I like the new direction; sometimes I think everything is all screwed up.

I WANT to write another novella. Maybe two.

I WANT to participate in the A to Z Challenge again this year. And continue to blog once a month for the Insecure Writers Support Group. Both of these groups are ‘heart-groups.’ I love them!

I WANT to get more active about reading other blogs and visiting/posting to my yahoo groups. I’m a member of several wonderful writing loops and they don’t know I exist–or have forgotten. Should I visit them twice a week, every day or what?  The Wild Rose Press author’s loop is overwhelming! I can’t believe how much other writers accomplish. How do they do it? I move at a snail’s pace.

I WANT to revise Reinventing Rita. I’ve retitled it and can’t remember the new title. Guess that means it doesn’t work, huh?

I WANT to write some more romantic short stories for various epublishers and anthologies.

I WANT a career plan.  This week I’ll locate my new 2013 calendar (where did I put it?) and assign firm deadlines to some of these tasks. There are specific things I want to accomplish while here in Oklahoma and we’ll be moving out in June. I have six months to . . .
I WANT to accomplish much more in 2013!
And I want you to, too!
Share your 2013 dreams.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: A to Z Challenge, Insecure Writers Support Group, Jane Friedman, marketing, novellas, OKRWA, OWFI, Scrimshaw Doll series, social networking, Southern Writers Magazine, TWRP, Uncategorized

Wise Words from Jane Friedman

July 25, 2012 By Jessica Ferguson Leave a Comment

Oh, the down-down days of summer. Too hot for much of anything. And to top off the oppressive heat, I fell leaving the church a week ago Sunday and twisted my right ankle. When my daughter was born, I was in labor for three hours so the pain definitely didn’t last this long! I hate pain. I also hate being unable to focus. X-rays proved nothing was broken but the constant ache/throb has me shifting/twitching/wiggling, searching for comfort. I’m not even able to enjoy my web surfing.  Ah, well … this too, shall pass. Hurry, hurry, pass already!

A few weeks ago, I popped onto twitter and found one of my writer heros about to give an interview on the radio. Ya’ll probably know her: Jane Friedman. She has a terrific blog, however, she’s turned it over to Porter Anderson while she concentrates on a new project.  Now Jane is web editor for the Virginia Quarterly Review.

Anyway, I tuned in to Jane on the radio. Yep, I took notes!

Jane said if we’re using emedia as entrepreneurs we need to know our audience, the people who will buy our books or our products. We need to know what social media sites we’re comfortable using. She said: There’s a triangle at work here: Reader & their tools, Self & what you prefer, the work itself & what compliments that work. Think about all points of that triangle, and satisfy each point. Where is the sweet spot? This entails market research on the part of the author. If you don’t enjoy it, you won’t continue to do it. Consistency is necessary — every day— because things tend to snowball. Small actions every day add up. Consistency translates into a growing audience.

Jane also said if there’s one quality we need to instill in ourselves, it’s patience because success takes time. Small actions every day during a long period of time is what will get us where we want to be.

She also gave a few tips on blogging among other things and after the interview, I tweeted ‘well done’ and told her I needed to take a hard look at my blog. Here’s what she said:

10 Jul
Jane Friedman‏@JaneFriedman

@jessyferguson Thanks for listening! As far as your blog, perhaps it just needs to be strengthened & taken to the next level. 😉

So my question is: how do I strengthen and take it to the next level? Any suggestions?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: blogs, Jane Friedman, social media tips, Uncategorized

For Your Info

April 15, 2012 By Jessica Ferguson Leave a Comment

A to Z Challenge takes a break on Sunday. I hope I’m correct about this. 🙂

I just ran to Hastings in Yukon, OK to pick up the latest Writer’s Digest. It’s fantastic and you all need to trek over to your nearest bookstore and get the May-June issue if you don’t subscribe. Because we were moving, I didn’t renew so I’ll have to make sure I don’t miss an issue.

This issue gives some valuable information about epublishing and how it works by Jane Friedman. Jane is a former WD publisher and honestly, I think every word that comes out of her mouth (or from her fingertips) is valuable and brilliant. If you aren’t familiar with her, you should be; make a point to follow her blog. Check her out here. After reading her article, you need to flip the page to Joel Friedlander’s piece on Best Strategies for Savvy Self-Publishers. He gives you a list of resources to help you on your way to indie publishing. You can also follow him HERE. To top it off, the icing on the WD cake is that it lists 101 Best Websites for Writers and they are G-R-E-A-T.

Don’t let this issue sell out before you get your hot little writer-hands on it.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: ePublishing 101 Best Websites for Writers, Jane Friedman, Joel Friedlander, Writer's Digest

Reality Faith.
Reality Fiction.

"As for us, we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard.”
Acts 4:20

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