Jessica Ferguson

Author, Writing Coach, Speaker

IWSG: Just A Thought

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The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. We post our thoughts on our own blog. We talk about our doubts and the fears we have conquered. We discuss our struggles and triumphs and offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling.  This group is all about connecting!   

Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.

The awesome co-hosts for the August 6 posting of the IWSG are Ronel Janse van Vuuren, Natalie Aguirre, Sarah – The Faux Fountain Pen, and Olga Godim!

Every month, we announce a question that members can answer in their IWSG post. These questions may prompt you to share advice, insight, a personal experience or story.  We all love comments!

Remember, the question is optional!

August 6 question – What is the most unethical practice in the publishing industry?

There are a lot of subjects I’d like to write about, but this certainly isn’t one of them. The publishing industry is a small world and I’m sure it has a long memory. A writer’s bad reputation (not being trustworthy, loyal, reliable, etc) or hard-to-get-along-with attitude might ruin it for them. Even someone who “talks” too much.

 I’ve seen things. And I’ve heard things. If there’s one thing I’ve always done, it’s keep my eyes and ears open.

 Be careful who you talk about and what you say in your blogposts, emails and on social media. When a publisher (or agent) considers you, they check you out.

 I do think writers have been slighted in a number of ways—and unless you’re a big name, you’re never paid what you’re worth. But that’s just my opinion.

 On another note, we’re in the middle of our packing and moving. Slow, miserable process.

 I haven’t written since before Christmas. I was hoping to have a month this summer to revise my Love Inspired Romance. Not going to happen.

 Goal: before Christmas. (prayers going up and fingers crossed!)

 So, tell me, what’s everyone doing?

What kind of summer have you had?

School has started in a lot of places…what does that mean for you?

 I’ve been so involved in the move that I feel totally separated from my writing community. Not fun.

 Let me hear from you. And good writing!

IWSG Day: If Wishes Were Books!

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The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. We post our thoughts on our own blog. We talk about our doubts and the fears we have conquered. We discuss our struggles and triumphs and offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling.  This group is all about connecting!   

Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.

The awesome co-hosts for the July 2 posting of the IWSG are Rebecca Douglass, Natalie Aguirre, Cathrina Constantine, and Louise Barbour!

Every month, we announce a question that members can answer in their IWSG post.  Remember, the question is optional!

July 2 question – Is there a genre you haven’t tried writing in yet that you really want to try? If so, do you plan on trying it?

My response:

A few years ago I got an idea I’d really love to write—a time travel. I jotted down some notes but that was as far as it went. However, the idea won’t leave me alone. I vacillate between rolling it around in my head and trying to ignore it because, as usually happens, someone else got a similar idea and they actually used it, wrote several books. I haven’t read them and I’m sure they’re different from my own idea but it was discouraging.

I have a theory that if we don’t grab our ideas immediately and start writing, God “shares” them with someone else. It’s happened to me way too often.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows”. James 1:17  This verse directly declares that all good and perfect gifts originate from God, emphasizing His role as the ultimate source of blessing and provision. To me, that includes our ideas.

But back to the question:

I’ve written a time travel short story about a kid and his granny going back to her childhood but it seems incomplete—like just part of their story. Not sure what to do with it. It feels like it needs a true beginning, more of a middle, an ending. I’m just not sure. It takes me way too long to think and plot. I’m not sure how to fix that. (frowny face here because it’s a real problem.)

I’m intrigued by dual timelines where a character from the past connects with one in present day. I’ve read some of Robin Lee Hatcher’s books using dual timelines, also Rachel Hauck’s and Jaime Jo Wright’s books. I think that genre would be quite challenging since the timelines converge by the end of the novel, revealing a hidden connection and often solving a mystery.

When I was young I read historical novels all the time but eventually lost interest in them. Time travel and duel timelines would plunge me back into reading and writing it. Not sure I have the stamina for that depth of research.

Thoughts anyone?

On another note: we’re moving. Downsizing. Up to our ears in packing, sorting, decision-making.

It’s quite challenging to dispose of things that are dear to the heart but not needed. I’m certain there are lessons to be learned through the process but right now, I’m resistant.

More on that later.

Keep writing, my friends. Don’t give up.

IWSG: Harry Potter’s Invisible Cloak

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 The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. We post our thoughts on our own blog. We talk about our doubts and the fears we have conquered. We discuss our struggles and triumphs and offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling.  This group is all about connecting!   

Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.

The awesome co-hosts for the March 5 posting of the IWSG are Ronel Janse Van Vuuren,Pat Garcia, and Liza @ Middle Passages!

Every month, we announce a question our members can answer.

March 5 question – If for one day you could be anyone or *thing* in the world, what would it be? Describe, tell why, and any themes, goals, or values they/it inspire in you.

My response:
Some of you know I share a birthday with Harry Potter, July 31st. Well, I’ve always kind of envied him his invisible cloak. Oh, please, please let me wear his cloak for at least a weekend. Not JUST one day. What I could do with that cloak!
I’d sit in my favorite author’s office, maybe browse around while she clicked away on her next best seller. I’m sure she probably talks to herself. Most of us do. I might even look over her shoulder, take a peek at her rough draft. I have to wonder if her first draft is rougher than mine.
I’d “crash” writing retreats and listen to famous authors brainstorm and encourage each other. I need encouragement too! They’d never know I was there.
And oh! the wonderful conferences I could attend FREE OF CHARGE!
I’d definitely look over the shoulder of any editor or publisher who read my latest proposal. I’d like to learn what they really think. Surely they talk to themselves too. Did my first sentence grab her? How about my first chapter? Too slow? Too much backstory? How far did she get before she quit reading?
Just think, if I had Samantha’s twitchy nose and Harry’s invisible cloak, I’ll bet I could actually write and sell some books! Okay, I might need more than a weekend!

Insecure Writers Support Day: Favorite Quotes

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Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds

 Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.

The awesome co-hosts for the September 4 posting of the IWSG are Beth Camp, Jean Davis, Yvonne Ventresca, and PJ Colando!

Every month, we announce a question that members can answer in their IWSG post.

September 4 question – Since it’s back to school time, let’s talk English class. What’s a writing rule you learned in school that messed you up as a writer?

The question is always optional and today I choose not to answer it, not because I don’t like it. I just can’t think of anything to say about teachers. I’m not sure any teacher messed me up as a writer. There was one in college, a hateful journalism teacher that didn’t like my writing at all. He told me I was on an ego trip. Go figure. I was in his class to learn, even though I’d already worked as a contributing editor for an in-flight magazine. We should never quit learning, right? I do think of him periodically and wonder why he didn’t like me. Lookie here, I answered the question after all. 

My intention was to post a few of my favorite quotes. Who doesn’t like quotes? Don’t they make you think? Do you have a favorite quote that speaks to you? Share it!

“Your legacy is every life you’ve ever touched .”   Maya Angelou  

The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”—Thomas Edison

There is something delicious about writing the first words of a story. You never know quite where they’ll take you.” -Beatrix Potter

 If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” – Toni Morrison

Half my life is an act of revision.” – John Irving

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”  – Sylvia Plath

 

Isn’t IWSG the greatest?!

I wish you all good writing!

JRF

IWSG: My Writing Tools

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The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. We’re encouragers! Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!
Let’s rock the neurotic writing world!
Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.

 

The awesome co-hosts for the July 3 posting of the IWSG are JS Pailly, Rebecca Douglass, Pat Garcia, Louise-Fundy Blue, and Natalie Aguirre!

 

Our Optional Question:

What are your favorite writing processing (e.g. Word, Scrivener, yWriter, Dabble), writing apps, software, and tools? Why do you recommend them? And which one is your all time favorite that you cannot live without and use daily or at least whenever you write?

 

No matter what tools, apps or writing programs I purchase, I always end up returning to Microsoft Word. I work faster there.

I’ve owned Scrivener for years and never been able to completely figure it out. Just in the past few months, I’ve taken the time to watch a few instructional videos and mastered another step or two. I know many authors swear by Scrivener but I also know I’ll never be one of them. If you’re interested in Scrivener, you can try it for FREE. I suggests you do what I do, use just the basics and learn at your own pace.

I also purchased Plottr a couple of years ago. I loved it. I watched a lot of YouTube sessions/interviews with various authors on how they used it and I have to admit, I created a beautiful outline for my latest WIP. I was able to create character sketches and scenes for each chapter but guess what – I’m a combination pantser/plotter and I have not been able to finish my book—even with a detailed outline and scenes. For the first time, I think I understand what authors mean when they say outlining ruins the story for them. I always thought that was a crazy thing to say but it’s the only excuse I can come up with because my novel is basically planned out and waiting for me to finish it.

With Microsoft Word, I can sit down and soar. My old arthritic fingers still type pretty fast and I enjoy letting my characters lead me. Usually the first three chapters move fast. In the middle I falter. So once I slow down and stumble through that middle, I’ll turn to my NOTES app on my iPhone. That’s where I drop pieces of dialogue, ideas for scenes and description as they comes to me at odd times. I can’t do without NOTES on my phone.

What I really love is YouTube. Anytime I need to know how to do something, YouTube is my go-to for help. I’m very thankful for those authors who take the time to create how-to videos and seminars on Zoom.  And blogs like this one: Jill Kemerer

My question for you: what would we do without each other?

 

 

Where’s The Joy … in AI?

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Here we are again, the first Wednesday of the month—a meeting of the Insecure Writers Support Group.

Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds
Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.
The awesome co-hosts for the March 6 posting of the IWSG are Kristina Kelly, Miffie Seideman,Jean Davis, and Liza @ Middle Passages!

I’m going to skip right to the optional question.

Have you “played” with AI to write those nasty synopses, or do you refuse to go that route? How do you feel about AI’s impact on creative writing? 

I don’t know much about AI except what I’ve seen on the news and read from other authors. Out of curiosity I took a FREE course from Joseph Michael and found AI fascinating. But to what end? If I create a book through AI, how can I enjoy the creative process, the actual writing? Oh, I know what they’re telling us but to me the creative process is a lot more than putting plot points, descriptions, themes into a few blanks and asking AI to spit out my book.

Looking back on my writing life, here’s my reasoning:

Writing and selling and publishing was so much more fun (for me) when I had nothing but a typewriter, some white-out and a ream of paper. Every month I’d rush to the library to read the latest Writer’s Digest and The Writer. I’d immediately turn to the Market section so I could see who wanted short stories or poetry. When I created what I thought they wanted I stuck the manuscript into a brown envelope, tucked another inside (SASE) and mailed it at the post office. Then I waited, and waited and waited until finally a brown envelope addressed to me in my own handwriting came back to me. Sometimes it had an acceptance letter. Way too often it held my rejected manuscript with a “Thanks but this doesn’t work for us!”

But, Oh what fun to wait. What suspense! What anticipation! What hope!

How wonderful it was to take a 200 page manuscript to the post office and have the clerk weigh it. Off to the publisher it went. One manuscript didn’t come back to me for an entire year!

Today, we email our manuscripts and we seldom get a response unless it’s an acceptance. Nine times out of ten we never get a rejection that says “Thanks but no thanks.” We never SEE the handwriting of an editor or get a “This doesn’t work but send something else.” No notes of encouragement that we can actually read 40 or 50 years later. (I’m laughing here!)

Where’s the encouragement in no response? You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this …

We have computers now that will correct our words for us, unlike when I started writing. Often I had to retype the entire page, sometimes the entire manuscript. You know what? I didn’t mind. I loved typing. I loved writing. I had a vision, a cause, a dream, a purpose.

So if AI takes my last joy away from me … the actual plotting, planning, creating … what do I have left?

As fascinated as I was by the AI course I took, I’ll have to pass. For me, creating is fun. ALL the creating. The daydreaming, the planning, the plotting, the writing … it all gives me joy. It teaches me. It gives me purpose. And believe it or not, I always have enough hope to get me from one rejection to another.

But the promotion? Oh, now that’s a different story. AI … let’s talk!

 

Insecure Writers Support Group: February 2024

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Hello Readers, hope you’re ready for February. It’s here whether we’re ready or not. On February 12th I will have been married 42 years. That’s so weird to me. I still can’t imagine being married that long even though I did it! I did it!. J

I can hardly believe we raced through 31 days of January. I had planned to finish a 55,000 word book but by the time I finally sat down at my laptop, January was over. ?‍♀️ Life is flying by.

Before I say another word, I want to remind each of you that at some point during the past several years, you signed up to follow my blog. When you sign up to follow it, you get a notification or a link or perhaps even the complete post in your email. If at any time you want to unsubscribe, feel free to do so. I get a lot of clutter in my email too, so I’ll understand. But really, I don’t want to be known as clutter. I want you to like me! And read me. I really do but it’s your call, my friend.

What I’ve read so far in 2024:

I just completed Fragile Designs by Colleen Coble. It’s about a widowed antique dealer and family secrets. I do like a tease about family secrets. That kind of blurb will get me every time.

I enjoyed Colleen’s storytelling skills and have been looking at some of her other books that are on my shelves. I tend to purchase authors I know I will eventually read. They may perch in my book case for years before I ever get around to reading them. Is that odd?

I also finished Jessica R. Patch’s  Love Inspired Suspense— Crime Scene Conspiracy. The first in a series. Her heroines don’t pull any punches, and her heroes are (sigh) HEROES! Her books always have threats at every turn. Her trade books, A Cry in the Dark and Her Darkest Secret might give you nightmares. At the very least, they’ll keep you sitting up all night reading and looking at the crack in your draperies or blinds.  I’m waiting for the 3rd book in this Strange Crimes Unit series—Garden Girls. Check her out.

I’m excited to be doing a zoom class with this author in the near future. Follow her on Facebook and get to know her. If anyone has a handle on marketing her books, it’s Jessica R. Patch. She’s scary and fun.

And now it’s IWSG Day! Yay!

Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!
 
Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.
The awesome co-hosts for the February 7 posting of the IWSG are Janet Alcorn, SE White,Victoria Marie Lees, and Cathrina Constantine!

Let’s take a look at the Optional question:

February 7 question: What turns you off when visiting an author’s website/blog? Lack of information? A drone of negativity? Little mention of author’s books? Constant mention of books?

I hate it when pop-ups won’t let me search a website before I decide to follow or sign up for the newsletter. That’s my number one pet peeve when it comes to authors (and craft sites). A recent discussion in one of my writers’ groups told me I’m not the only one who hates pop-ups. I don’t blame authors for a constant mention of their books: their real estate so they can mention all they want, but they should make certain there’s something there for everyone. A few articles that might interest their readers, maybe. I always enjoy reading how an author plots their book, where they got their idea, how they outline or some funny experience they’ve had at book signings or whatever. I have to admit, I’m never going to read an interview with a fictional character or a letter to me from a fictional character. Just not my thing. After all, they’re fictional characters! A little negativity doesn’t bother me either. We’re writers. There’s a heck of a lot of negativity in our writing and publishing world. Go for it. I’ll probably agree with you.

I always read and enjoy author bios and how an author came to get published. Where did you find the courage to self-pub or how did you finagle a traditional publisher to grab you. Authors have a lot of good stories at their fingertips if they’ll just think about them. I look forward to reading yours!

What I’m writing now:

I’ve been working on a sweet romance and I have about 30,000 words. Unfortunately, I’ve been sick for the past several weeks and haven’t accomplished much of anything. Fingers crossed I can finish it in February. I need one good day at the library–actually, the library in Mustang, Oklahoma would do it for me.

Thanks for popping by my place. Leave a comment and tell me what you’re doing. My next post I hope to drop some links sending you to some of my very favorite websites and podcasts. Hope you’ll come back!

Good Writing, my friends!

Jessica

Happy New Year, Insecure Writer’s Support Group

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Hello my Insecure Writers Support Group, and happy 2024. I saw the new year in by watching six episodes of Person of Interest. Now I’m hooked.

Hey, I’ve missed you!

I’ve rejoined IWSG and hope to ease my way back into blogging.

This is what we’re all about:

Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!

Posting: The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day.  We talk about our doubts and the fears. We discuss our struggles and triumphs. We also offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling.

Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.

The awesome co-hosts for the January 3 posting of the IWSG are Joylene Nowell Butler, Olga Godim, Diedre Knight, and Natalie Aguirre!

Our optional question this month is a good one and I’m interested in how others answer it.  

Do you follow back your readers on BookBub or do you only follow back other authors?

 In a nutshell, if someone follows me, I’ll follow them. Unless they’re some weird person claiming to be a doctor and/or wearing a uniform. You know, those guys who hang out on FB and Instagram?

That’s my answer. I’ll be back in a day or two with a new blogpost. Hopefully, I can make this a habit … again.

Once again, Happy New Year!

IWSG: The Mentor

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It’s IWSG DAY! 

We post the first Wednesday of every month and our purpose is to share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds.

 Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG.

Our awesome co-hosts for the February 2 posting of the IWSG are Joylene Nowell Butler,Jacqui Murray, Sandra Cox, and Lee Lowery!

Every month, we announce a question that members can answer in their IWSG post—always optional.

February 2 question – Is there someone who supported or influenced you that perhaps isn’t around anymore? Anyone you miss? 

There is one person very dear to my heart who encouraged my writing—my English/creative writing teacher at Stephen F. Austin University. I took several classes from him and wrote my first novel in an independent studies class for him. He never failed to encourage me, tell me the truth and ask what I was working on. Sometimes I’d go to his office to talk writing with him and share rejection slips because he was a writer too, with poems and short fiction published. I guess you could say I trusted him with the voices in my head that wanted to be on paper.

To this very day, I hear Dr. Fred A. Rodewald’s voice in my head. Mainly, he’s telling my characters to, “Think! Think! Think!”

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When he read my first novel he pointed out that I had failed with what was called back then the action, reaction thing. When my main character acted, she needed to think afterwards. After all, one doesn’t shoot someone, or push a man over a ledge without thinking afterwards? Right?

I think my character went through 150 pages without much introspection. I finally mastered it, but later in my writing life so many of my contest judges criticized my introspection. Too much, too much, too much! they often said. I suppose there’s a happy balance in everything, even thinking.

I’ve studied writing just about all my life. Even back in the 70s I knew that one never sent out a messy manuscript that had strike-overs. Don’t know what that is? We old folks typed our books on typewriters. Every correction and rewrite was like starting from scratch. Invariably, corrections usually changed the page numbers by pushing a paragraph onto another page. Writing in the “old” days was a chore. Only those who truly loved it stuck with it.

My friend and mentor, Fred, would strike over the letters to correct the typo; he wouldn’t erase it or use whiteout. I often wondered if he mailed out his short fiction with those strike-overs, but I never asked. Do we know how blessed we are that we don’t have to do that any more–or deal with Whiteout? Boy! I do!

Dr. Rodewald and I traded letters for a good number of years, keeping each other informed of failures and successes. He’s been retired for a number of years but he still lives in Nacogdoches, Texas. He no longer writes. I like to visualize him sitting on his back porch creating poems and short stories (even novels) in his head because a real writer never quits writing. He always considered me a real writer, and I appreciated that. That was the greatest encouragement of all. In my eyes, he was a real writer too.

Fred gave me his one and only mystery novel to do with what I please. It’s about a man searching for his daughter. I still have it—somewhere.

To do with what I please.

What does one do with someone else’s novel?

It’s IWSG Day: Our Fear & Regret

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Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!

HOW IT BEGAN: 

Alex J. Cavanaugh, the founder, noticed a lot of blog posts from writers mentioning their doubts, concerns, and lack of confidence. He also saw the positive replies they received and realized that the writing community offered an abundance of support. Writers want to see other writers succeed, which is how he came up with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group.

We post on the first Wednesday of each month. Check out our membership.

The awesome co-hosts for the January 5 posting of the IWSG are Erika Beebe, Olga Godim, Sandra Cox, Sarah Foster, and Chemist Ken!

Every month we have an optional question and they always make me put my thinking cap on and examine my writing life. This month IWSG is asking:

 What’s the one thing about your writing career you regret the most? Were you able to overcome it?

The one thing I regret the most when it comes to my writing career is my lack of confidence, or maybe not taking myself seriously. Or maybe even taking myself too seriously. They all three might go hand in hand. Seems I’ve always doubted and denigrated my abilities in an effort to prepare myself for failure. For some reason, I have always expected to fail.

Looking back and analyzing my lack of confidence, I can identify spurts of bravery popping periodically out of the blue. Like when I learned that Southern Writers Magazine needed a writer, I had a spurt of confidence and applied. Only afterwards did I hit my forehead and ask, “What have I done? Am I crazy?” I wrote for them for almost seven years.

Another spurt of bravery was when the entire staff walked out on a local magazine editor; my daughter and I walked in as if we knew what we were doing. The bi-weekly folded a year later, but we had an entire year of creating a magazine, interviewing city and government officials and business owners. Such a wonderful but hectic experience. That spurt of confidence paid off.

My spurts of confidence are sparse. I’m truly a “NO” person. When I’m asked to do something I always say ‘no’ first, then analyze, visualize the situation like a play in my head. I suppose that’s my so-called dress rehearsal.

Once I was asked to replace a speaker at a conference. I immediately said no. Hubby reminded me that this was something I’d always wanted so I called them back and accepted. I’d spoken at small conferences before but this one was a one-room conference with almost 100 people. Fear and dread consumed me but it was one of the best experiences of my life.

Another “no” came about when the director of a continuing education department of a nearby university asked me to create a writing program. No, no, and double no! Why would he think I could do such a thing? When he asked again and again, I finally said yes. What fun creating classes for writers to take, even teaching one!

When the music director at my church asked me to write a Christmas play I said no, but then God gave me an idea and I sat down and wrote the first act. Of course, I had to call her back. I’ll never forget the thrill of watching my characters come to life on stage.

I don’t tell you this to brag but to share the torture I put myself through—needlessly. Lacking confidence and saying NO out of fear is one of the most miserable feelings one can have. It’s almost painful!

Think about it: If fear of failure keeps us safe then it also keeps us from success. If we protect ourselves by saying no, if we don’t value and use the talent God gave us or take advantage of opportunities He hands us, then where are we?

Some day we might be wrapping ourselves in regret because time has passed us by.

Let’s make 2022 work for us. Let’s make a point to accomplish something on a monthly basis. If you’ve never submitted anything for publication to anyone, promise yourself you’ll do it soon. Getting one thing published will boost your confidence so much, you’ll want to submit again and again and again.

And the second part of that question … was I able to overcome it? Nope! I’m no braver than I was five, ten or fifteen years ago. I just swallow my fear …

GULP!